I’ve always found it difficult sticking or even setting new yeas resolutions. I had a bit of a plan at the beginning of the year; you know, the fitness-related-weightloss-get-your-shit-together type of things, so far it hasn’t worked out for me. Apparently a new year means a fresh start, at least that’s what we’re told. We all head into it with motivation and readiness but in the grand scheme of things, I think these expectations are putting more and more unnecessary pressure on ourselves. Anyway, after a year abroad and a relaxed Christmas at home, I’ve made it known to myself and anyone who takes notice of this blog that I’m currently struggling more than ever to find my purpose.
I’m still not quite sure if it’s the January blues hitting me; ironically I’m typing this on the dreaded ‘blue Monday’, it could be the weather or it could be the fear of reality – I’m not entirely sure. My new job requires me to regularly finish my shifts at 11pm and frequently working on weekends, both of which I never saw myself doing with a degree behind me, but my hours and the quietness of work during the week has shaped me up to realise that I must spend more time focusing on the things that make me happy. The things that bring me joy, happiness, excitement and fuel my passion and creativity.
My biggest problem has always been my inner insecurities; I worry about how I’m portrayed by people, I worry about being judged for what I love to do, and I strangely feel embarrassed about the things that fulfil me. And because of this I regularly hold back in doing the things I love.
Blogging. Photography. Reading. Running
I briefly touched upon this subject recently: I had half an hour to kill before I started work so I headed into Waterstones to find a book to read on the quieter days. As I walked in I was greeted with an array of notepads and diaries, it was like something had instantly switched in my head; that spark I was previously talking about. I thought: “I’ve always wanted to own a notebook that I actually use. I miss writing. I miss blogging. I’ve always wanted to get more into reading. The only person or thing that’s stopping me is, me.” You can read the piece here.
So things are changing in my small complicated world, for a better me. The four things I’ve noted are the things I want to do more of and the things I’m aiming to prioritise this year. There’s absolutely no denying that life is hard and often quite complicated, but it’s up to us to make our lives the happiest they can be, even starting with a few small things to begin with.
I fell in love with blogging three years ago and never looked back; it was the first hobby where I thought I could actually take it somewhere and something I thought I’d be quite good at. In terms of creating content I’ve been a little on and off most parts, however something feels different about twenty-nineteen. There’s something scary about writing down your goals and putting them out on the internet for everyone to see. Once you’ve promised something, it feels like you’re setting yourself up for failure. So bare with me on this one, but things are looking on the up blogging wise and I’m unbelievably excited.
Returning to England after a year travelling up and down Australia has really demotivated me when it comes to taking photographs; I miss it. Obviously Manchester will never quite be the same as The Whitsundays or a a baby Koala bear in his natural habitat, but there’s no harm in trying something new. Australia really boosted my love for taking photographs, cameras and Lightroom. I spent hours most days with a camera in my hand snapping away at everything that amazed me (which means everything). After being in quite a rut, I’m now taking my camera to more places, everyday, snapping away at everything. My images on Instagram may no longer be as exciting, but nothing will ever take my passion away for all things photography.
Confession: I’m addicted to buying magazines. I spent a lot of my teenage years flicking through the stereotypical gossip magazines, shocked at the latest story of Katie Price, however I think I’ve grown up a bit since then. Instead I now have an addiction for more mindful magazines – Breathe, Flow and Frankie. I was introduced to these magazines in Australia and I absolutely adore the stories and topics they cover; they’re like blogs in real life form. My love for reading magazines has opened my heart up to books which are also becoming a new found obsession. Truth is, I’ve always romanticised the thought of sitting down in a quiet room and flicking through a book. I’ve already started reading a few non-fiction books I’ve found in Waterstones which I’m thoroughly enjoying.
I’ve been running on and off for several years now and I think it’s about time I pick it up again. I’ll confess (again), I did start running again a couple of weeks ago but I found it difficult to stick with it due to a new job and an undiagnosed chest infection. But in all honesty, I do absolutely love running. I love the feeling of feeling fit, getting fitter and the adrenaline rush I get as soon as I arrive home. I also want to feel better within myself again!
So there it is, these are the four things that make me truly happy and the things I must spend more time doing in twenty nineteen. It feels good to have it all out in the open – it’s definitely motivated me a lot more to find the time to focus on myself.